Nakey Time

First day of school nightmare: coming to school in your underwear. Oh wait, it happens every day in China. At the school I teach, I lead a parade of naked children outside every day to go play on the hot playground. After fifteen minutes of playtime, the kids get a little sponge bath with a damp towel before starting English class again. Oh to be a little kid in China.

            The little babies don’t have diapers here in China. They either go completely pantsless or wear a breezier variation of pants complete with a gaping hole, so they can pop a squat wherever they please, whenever they please. 

Alright, China, alright.

            The other day, I was in my towel, hanging my clothes to dry outside, and my towel fell. My roommates dance on their window bench in their underwear. Our neighbors love us.

           

We took a train to Changsha last weekend, (which is a city north of the city I live in, Zhongshan). In the hotel, the bathroom wall was glass but had a curtain for the prudes, like my roomie, Micah, who pulled the curtain while she showered. When I went in to take my shower, I realized the curtain was a one-sided curtain, so you could see through it from inside the bathroom but you couldn’t see anything from the room. Um, kind of creepy? I was taking my sweet time getting undressed, taking a pee, brushing my teeth, and I kept looking over at Micah through the curtain, because I was just so weirded out. As I'm turning the water on, I look over and see the flowery opaque curtain bunched to the side. The curtain had been pulled to the side the entire time, and I just thought it was a one-sided curtain.                                                             I prudishly pulled the curtain and finished my shower.

Embarrassed kitty.

Loves,

Justine 

I may or may not be gaining weight.

All through training for English teacha (yes, teacha not teacher) training, I was informed to bring my crappiest clothes, because I'm just going to end up throwing away all the clothes I bring anyway. The washing machines are in the middle of the bathroom, and you have to hook it up to the water heater, and you can’t shower while washing clothes, because the water heater hose is the shower; they leave stains, they’re tiny, they ruin your clothes, etc. etc. Being the attentive, obedient English teacha I am, I bring my poopy clothes that I don’t care too much for; although I’m still hoping I don’t have to throw any away. Then ILP decides to plop me in the ritzy fashionville of China: Zhongshan. Yeah oooooookay. Everyone and their dog walks around in crazy heels, wedges, darling froofroo dresses, and MC Hammer pants (jumping on that bandwagon stat), while I’m just walking around in my ratty t-shirts and leggings. And our washer works just fine even while the shower is running.

Good thing I was born with a powerful gift for throwing money at vendors for cheap Chinese clothing that I have to fix afterwards with my nifty sewing kit (thank you, Grandma, for throwing a white elephant Christmas party last year). So I’ve been buying things left and right to make up for my lack of decent clothing. It’s actually supah fun. No complaints here.

While we’re talking about shopping, let’s talk about the other day when I was perusing the One Plus One Market here in Zhongshan, China. Two funny things happened:

1.     I was looking for a dressing room to try on this darling dress I found and asked a girl where I could find one. Actually. Let me clarify. I didn’t ask the girl; I mimed my urgent question to her in an intricate and intense one-sided game of charades. I say one-sided, because after my elaborate dance, the girl responded with a curt “no.” After stumbling out “entschuldigen, uh, I mean xie xie, no, um crap I don’t know how to… uh sorry,” I kept browsing. Oddly enough, the girl gradually hedged closer to the clothes I was looking through until she was just standing in front of me, waiting for me to move so she could look through the clothes. Puleeez, girl. You just made me look like an idiot by not playing along with my game of charades, and now you want me to move so you can look through these clothes and find the jackpot before me? Uh uh. So I keep looking through the clothes as if I don’t see her. Finally she looks up at me and starts to mime something back. I can’t quite understand what she’s saying until she points over to the maternity clothes.

She thought I was preggo.

In my defense, I was wearing a maxi dress and holding up a baby doll top while trying to ask where the dressing rooms were.

Turns out dressing rooms don’t exist in China.

2.     Second funny of the shopping trip: Chinglish. It’s everywhere.

If you can't read it, that last shirt says, "Before I die I wart to..."

Adventure time in China.

Lovelove, 

Justine

China is a very special place.

1. I was told I was/look (can’t remember) “very special” by two Hong Kong girls the other day. I said thank you, but I’m still not sure whether it was a strange compliment or a blatant insult. 

Call me Special Justine.

2. We rode a ferry to Mainland China from Hong Kong, and I saw my first real life cockroach. It was quite large and inspired me to gag profusely and shiver with disgust: the first encounter with my many new friends. According to Jenny, (who happens to be the Jennifer Lawrence, BTW. I’m rooming with a celeb, NBD. JKJK LOL. Her name really is Jennifer Lawrence though.) Utah is the only state in the US that is a safe haven from the crunchy creepy buggy guys. I hate them. I love Utah. I hate cockroaches. What do we find in our apartment upon arrival? 8 cockroaches so far.

3. At one of the stands in Stanley Market by the Hong Kong harbor, I found this hilariously terrifying cat. 

4. I had my first experience with squatter toilets. 

    A. No light. 

    B. No lock on the door. 

    C. No toilet paper. 

    D. No soap. 

    E. Aunt Jamima is here for a visit. 
        F. No actual toilet. 

Needless to say, it was quite the experience. I got through it. I’m over it. I can do hard things. HA. I <3 Special China.

Hong Kong!!

After multiple flight delays, thanks to typhoon Bolaven, our group finally set foot on Hong Kong soil, drove to our hotel, and showered for the first time in two days. I love showers. Although I don't believe I will ever be completely dry again until I fly back to the Salty City. Yummy humidity.
Once I was squeaky clean, I set out on an adventure with Max, Katie, and her twin sister, Allie.

Max and I. Mookie would appreciate our peace signs.

We stopped at a restaurant on the street near our hotel and ordered breakfast. The twins ordered a Panda Express style dish, a club sandwich, and Coke. LAME. I asked the server what his favorite was, and he showed me a fried dough stick wrapped in rice noodles. Not too adventurous, so I tried to find something else. There was a picture of some meat with carrots or something, called “Barbecue Something Something Phoenix.” In my jet-lagged state, I thought, “Huh, ok, I can deal with eating a weird bird. Phoenix can’t be that bad. Probably tastes like chicken.”
Earth to Justine: Phoenix is a mythological creature, NOT a real bird.
I point to the picture, and the guy says ok and mentions something about chicken feet. After saying “no way, Jose” to the chicken feet, he leaves to get our food.

            When the food comes out, he brings me “honey water grass” with lemon (his suggestion) that was absolutely delish, but a little sweet. My fried dough stick wrapped in rice noodles was kind of meh but good, as well. The Phoenix- mythological creature, NOT real bird- was in a bowl and looked pretty good. Then I pick up a piece with my chopsticks and realized with horror that I had ordered chicken feet. MY FIRST MEAL IN HONG KONG, AND I ORDER CHICKEN FEET.

Offending chicken feet are pictured in the upper left hand corner.

I was mortified and in no way mentally or emotionally prepared for the dire situation. After some deep breaths, Max offered to take a bite. I said yes. He said it wasn’t too bad, very soft meat, eat around the bone. Eat around the bone, you say? I don’t even eat chicken off the bone. I like my meat white. I like it with the fat cut off. Actually, I don’t even like meat.

I ate the chicken feet.

Not that bad. I couldn’t pick it up with my fingers, or I would be reminded I was eating a previously alive, scratching, clucking, chicken’s scaly, padded, taloned foot. Pretty tasty, overall. 

CHINA DREAMBOAT

It's happening. I am living the dream. EEK I'm so excited. Ah I'm over the moon. I'm going to China!!!!!! Wooo woo woo. I leave in T minus 2 days. Ek Ak Woah Wha Wah Ok. It's going to be oh so so much fun. :) I intend to keep this blog up to date with all my latest adventures, pictures, errythang. I even checked blogger.com to see if it would work in China with this handy little website. You may be wondering, why are you going to China, Justine? Well, I'll tell you. I'm going to teach little Chinese babies English!

^ Like this little guy ^

 I'm going with the International Language Programs, and I'll be in the south of China, which will be nice and muggy. It's 50°F at night in January over there, which will be soooo nice, compared to the freeze-off-your-toes weather that will be happening here in Utah. 
First stop on the China dreamboat: Hong Kong!
xoxo Justine

Boy Hair!! :)

Allllllll that hair donated. Aww yeah.

I finally did it. I got boy hair. I chopped it all off, and I'm so happy. Seriously. This was the best decision I've made in a looooong time. I've been thinking about it for literally months now, and I finally got the courage to do it. I have an awesome coworker who was telling me about the time she shaved her head just for the heck of it, and I was utterly inspired. Who shaves their head for no reason? This girl. So I decided if she could shave her head, I could at least cut my hair short for now and then maybe shave it later on. I have to say, I think I'll keep it for a long time... in fact, I'm cutting it shorter in a few days, because it's too long for me now haha oh the irony.

Before

After

I am a believer of short hair now. I think everybody should cut their hair short at least once in their lives. It's so FREEEEEEEE! :) Love it.
XOXO Justine

Andy Warhol the Oracle

It's said that Andy Warhol was once caught and accused of saying, "In the future, everybody will be world famous for 15 minutes." In fact, I even bought an "Andy Warhol" purse/sack from good old TJ Maxx that had that very quote printed on the strap. It was a great bag, by the way; it had a baby banana coin pouch- in the shape of a banana (eeeee toooo cuuuuute). Anyway, point is: Andy Warhol foretold the future. We are literally seeing that happen. The Internet is this incredible ginormous world wide web (I do love a good pun) of everyone in the world. Granted, at this point you're probably thinking, "why haven't I had my 15 minutes of fame yet?" To you, I say just wait about mmm 10 years, and you'll have it. In the meantime, video record every stupid thing you've ever done (make sure to do LOTS of stupid things), post it on every means of social media you can, and consider investing in video camera implants in your forehead, so you'll always be prepared. Don't worry, little one, your 15 minutes of fame will come.
xoxo Justine